it’s december, the second day. i doodled these on my TEA notepad at the beginning of the year when i was struggling to find the words to describe how self-destructive i’ve felt during this global pandemic thing. all of the frightening choices i’ve made since the beginning of this, all of the versions of myself i no longer recognize. just in these two everlasting years… i can’t relate to them anymore, time again making its passing so wildly evident. so much change has happened due to more choices i’ve made with myself, for myself, with others, for others. something so special is growing within me now and for the first time in what feels like almost forever: i don’t feel the destruction of myself, i feel the growth and power and wonder of being a woman… finally. i feel supportive of myself and all the experiences that have guided me through to get to this very moment. to carry something–someone so important to me. every thing is so beautiful yet nothing really ever does go as planned, does it? so…
to whoever is reading this: it’s another end to another year and i hope you’ve somehow found peace in the little things and moments when you wake up each day, the closing or opening of a door or the way your shower head might have just the right amount of steaming hot pressure when it’s hitting your skin. the familiar faces you may have not seen for so long, even your own. even your reflection. i hope you wake up refreshed and well rested in the morning on the right side of the bed, feed yourself, hydrate yourself. remind yourself of the the people, places and things around you that love you, that live because of you and are satisfied by your major existence.
i love you.