THIS TIME, LAST YEAR

it’s been some time since i’ve been on this thing, since i’ve had the energy or focus to want to sit down or stand while typing out all the weirdness and change that life has consisted of since the last time i checked in. this time last year, things were really different for me. i was in a different creative headspace, i had more drive and knew less people after my trek back to savannah. more time to focus on myself and the projects i was involved with. all of this is so human and regular for me, coming and going back to myself. the distance i create naturally…. the ebb and flow of connection with the self. it’s an ongoing thing i’m working on— recognizing that distance isn’t really a friend to me. sometimes i go so far off the grid that i can’t really find my way back….anyway, the original intention of me even writing these posts for the interweb (or whatever aliens are reading this) was essentially to create a space for organized/unorganized thoughts and ideas from my project “IN BETWEEN EVERY THING”… as you can see, it’s 2020 and i haven’t been updating consistently or even at all, hahahaaaaa. life got really weird and things were happening and starting and ending. it turns out the book that i wanted to print and finish didn’t end up happening and it’s a super major project that i was really looking forward to finishing for myself before anything else. there were many days that i was so disappointed in myself, i really mentally beat the shit out of myself for not following through with this. it felt like i broke a big promise for the longest and i had to come to terms with it all. it’s fine, i grieved and forgave. i accept that this is a huge character flaw of mine. it’s not news even though it surprised me. i wasn’t able to finish it probably because i started with waaay too many restrictions in the first place and that shouldn’t have been the way i started out with it. only a year to finish something so personal, so near to me…the story of my life?! knowing my habits and all the procrastinating i do… it wasn’t realistic and this is me putting it here for proof. the project is still in the works but i’m approaching it this time more slowly and organically. it’ll happen when it happens and there will be updates soon. no promises though :)

life is still really weird and happening in 2020. i can’t quite describe the feelings i’ve been encountering with myself and the world lately. i’ve been in a creative trench for the last several weeks…maybe even months. it doesn’t stop me from writing, it hasn’t stopped me from picking up my camera from time to time. i barely draw these days because i feel like i’m drawing the same thing over and over and over. ugh. in the mean time, i figured i’d share a little sneak peak into my first micro journal of the year. the month of january felt really long and judgmental for me. so full of it. i fell into some old thought process patterns and there were some negative habits that came to the surface after a few negative experiences that occurred in the beginning of the year. i have too many journals and too many pieces of paper i need to scan in, but for now, this is what i’ve got and this is what you get. reminders that i’m alright, and even if i don’t always feel that way i probably still am. i’m trying to share a different journal for each month of this year. it’s a fun challenge to keep myself engaged with my own work, engaged with documenting my experiences no matter how big or small they seem. the rest of my january journal will be located in my journal tab and is password protected so please feel free to ask for it if you wanna dig deeper! happy new year i guess. it’s gonna be a long and eventful one, i’m sure.

peace + lots of luv, K